Not that I would take the job offer if they present me one, but the fact that I am yet once again over qualify for the job is just kind of suck.

According to the president at Suite101.com, the position might not give me the room for growth I need.  Both in terms of background and especially ambitions.  :(  I wonder if I would ever find a job.

Start dreaming of the playa already... :( but don't think we can go this year... why is the burn so addictive?

My dear dear friends, after a very an engaging play my cell phone had gone missing and now presumably lost.

So yeah... I lost all your phone numbers and contacts.  I will be getting a new phone today, phone number should be the same, if I can have you email your contact to me one more time... or simply call and say hello it would be much appreciated.

.... please.... call.......... please......

okay, so this is what they said about me...

Quiet observers, idealistic, loyal.  Important that outer life be congruent with inner values, Curious, quick to see possibilities, often serve as catalysts to implement ideas. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened. Want to understand people and ways of fulfilling human potential.  Little concern with possessions or surroundings.

Yeah it's 2 in the morning, I finally almost finish my assignments for my class tomorrow, or should we say this morning.

It's been a non-productive,  frustrating day.  Work or the lack there of, people and things drove me nuts today, or maybe I am just a big nut to start with.  I don't think I can go into detail in talking about it, it would just drive me even more nuts.

aw... ... ... there's always tomorrow and tomorrow will alway be better then today isn't it?  I just hope so.

PS. When I talk to my work exploration program facilitator tomorrow, I think I would tell him that I decided to move to an island and start an emu farm/ bed and breakfast.

Another finished object.

O you, don't have a dirty mind now. tsk tsk...

First wedding of the season... maybe the only one this year... is only 15 hours away...

I have not manage a wedding in this scale, not that it is a big wedding but my involvement in this project is big.  Well, a lot bigger then the usual ones.  Other then the usual short notice and tight budget, there are rather more unexpected things happened.  From the restaurant they used do not cater, catering company they were going to use did not show up until... last Sunday.  Bride's hair problem, Groom's suit problem and yeah a VERY tight time line.  For the next 15 hours, my only wish is to have everything go on schedule.  There are much still needed to be done, some food needed to be purchased, flower needed pick up, signing table's centerpiece needed to put together, two more table runner needed to be sew together, ceiling drapery needed to be hang, table needed to be set...

I'm almost there...

I was wondering when would my anxious sleepless night would come and here, I guess this is it.  :-D Not bad, not bad at all...

See, once I got into this working mode, I have this habit of not sleeping until I totally finished.  Now when it comes to event planning, there's no such thing as totally finish.

Two weeks ago, I took on another wedding project.  Once again it's another short notice, tight budget, lots of area to cover kind of challenge. The past week I have been sailing through with not much anxiety.  This morning I got up, I actually worried about the fact that I am not worrying and had a good night sleep.  Tonight, I laid in bed for about an hour or so but the picture of the hall still not willing to leave my brain alone, and so I know the night had come.  The night that I have to have everything iron out, the night of anxiety had finally come.

I guess if I have a plan - a sounded plan, my anxiety level will be lowered. However when it comes to event planning there's no such thing as a sounded plan.  You can plan the world but something for sure would goes wrong or not as planned.  You will alway forget something, regardless of how careful you are.  Sometime you will be ahead of schedule, but most of the time you will be behind.  If you are ahead of schedule, you would worry if you have missed something.  So the only thing that I can learn is to roll with it.  I am good with rolling with it at the day of the event, however these days before the event are still difficult.  Maybe this will come with age and wisdom.

Wisdom... wisdom... such a big and abstract word.  You can gain all the world's knowledge and still lack of wisdom...  I hope one day I would be wise.  Wise enough to know how to behave like a "proper" woman.  

Since I've been blabling on about absolutely nothing, mind as well go on with it.

I lost weight.  To some people this maybe a good statement, for me? I am not so sure.  I am kind of slim to start with, even though once in a while I would complain about my tummy, today when I weight myself at the gym, it come out to a studding 95lbs.  I guess it's about time for me to review my dieting plan.  Staying around 98lbs is kind of acceptable, at 5'4" tall with 95lbs in weight is worse then marginal healthy, even for the mini mini me.

Feeling VERY VERY tried today, not the kind of tired that would get better by sleeping, it's the kind of tried that I don't know how to rid of.  It's a combination of sadness, helplessness, fruitlessness and emptiness. 

Simon is very disapprove of the fact that I am not attending Grandpa's funeral in Hong Kong.  Due to MVK's party, I won't be able to leave town until the 2nd of Feb, which would be the 3rd in Hong Kong time.  Plus the 13 hours flight time I won't be there until the evening of Feb4th, which is the funeral day. 

I am not sure how I feel about this, I hate that Simon disapprove of my decision but his upset is understandable, after all, we are the children of the eldest child of our family.  In Chinese culture the eldest son's child hold a special place in the family.  If the timing is better and situation allowed, I would most definitely attend.  Would I be sad that I can attend? maybe, would I regret not go? possibly. ... aw...

Have been working on MVK's party planning for almost 10 hours straight today, I have to say that I my burn out mode is soon approaching.  So much time have already spent and yet so much more need to get done.  Somehow I wonder if this cycle is going to stop soon, stressing through the first week of every month, trying to figure out what, when goes where, from noon till 4 am in the morning.  It would be really nice to skip it once in a while, but I wonder would that even be possible.

I am tired... but I think I would get up in the morning tomorrow and feel the same way.  2 more days to go, and we just finished finalizing the equipment list...

Just finished a sweater that I can proud of, it's not my very first finished knitting product but it's one that I can say that I would really wear.
Anyway, except that it is a bright bright hot pink, a little big on me and the selves are WAYYYY too long, I knid of love it.  :-D

Following are some photos for what it looks like.


On another note, after more then 4 tries, I finally got a hold of glove making.  MAN!! IT's HARD!! I never expect it to be so difficult.  I guess I make it really hard by insisting on a tight tight fit.  Fist couples times I tried, I can't get my hand trough the wrist area, then the mid arm area not being tight fit,  and the forth times rough it's couples inches too lose, for the almost finial time round the thumb hole was too tight.  Finally I decided to make it a zip up gloves, yeah I know, it sounds weird, but it kind of work for me, at least for now.

Now the basic pattern is finally done and nicely fitted,  I can finally play with designs. :-D heeheeee,  maybe I will add a buckle here and there, maybe I can add lacings. :-D here come the fun part.

More photos...

011-852-875-1680… 875-1680… 875-1680… It’s almost one in the morning, I mentally dialed the phone number over and over again.  I should give my Grandma a call, but then what should I say? I just got the news from mom and I’m sorry? I am so bad when it come to things like this. Guess this will be another sleepless night.

Just got the news that my Grandfather had passed away.  In my mind he was a stubborn old man, or maybe you should say strong willed.  When I was young, he was hash on me or maybe to all grandkids of his.  I used to be afraid of him, it’s almost like he never approve of whatever I do.  When I was young, he used to say my butt must be triangular, since I never manage to sit still.  The night he turned 70, he got a stroke.  I still remember the chaotic time after that night.  From that day on, in between hospital and home, he spent the rest of 20 years.

Because of his authoritative figure and me left Hong Kong at a young age, I never really get to know him.  Now thinking back that is something I regret.  Maybe I got older or maybe time had shaved some of his edge off, as time went by, he got softer on me.  He was still a strong willed, stubborn old man but once in a while when everyone is in the house, when my little cousins running around rolling on the floor, you will see him slightly crack a smile.

According to mom, his death could lightly be negligence on the hospital part, an autopsy was ordered. Due to respect and peace for my Grandma, our family deceived not to go ahead with it.  With the funeral overlapping Chinese New Year, this will be a very difficult one.

In case you haven't heard the news yet... yeah, I got laid off.

It happened last Tuesday, I guess it wasn't too much of a surprise.  After all 95% of the time I am don't have anythings to do.

I think I am very much of a delated reactor, it wasn't until last Saturday that I started to get into this depression mode.  Rationally, I told myself five million times over that it is not a big deal and for the fact it is not.  Rationally I told myself another five million times over that this is a good thing, which allows me to collect EI, take some time off work, explore whatever I truly want to explore.  Rationally I told myself another five million times over  that I am better off working elsewhere, instead of staying in a silly company like this.  And all of the above are truth instead of things that I try to tell myself in order to feel better, but emotionally... I don't feel like doing anything, talking or seeing anyone.

Somehow my energy level is a lot higher back when  I closed Printplicity 9 months ago, then compare to now.  Perhaps it's just the momentum of life, while I was running my own business, regardless of good or bad, I am always in control.  It is always in a go, go, go situation.   Compare to the last job, the fact that there's nothing to do also means that there's nothing I CAN do.  I alway laugh it off but it didn't occur to me that it actually killed my spirit until now.  Or maybe I have not spend the time to actually deal with my business's closure when I started my next job.    Maybe changing 2 jobs in a year really does a toll on me. Maybe after all I am not as tough as I thought I am.

I tried to get up in the morning everyday and find myself something to do.  There's lots that I can pick up and work on but somehow the motivation is just not there.  Jonathan would call; Alice wants to go out and have lunch; mom wants to go drink tea; David wants to have dinner together; Greg's mom would call and check up on me, and all I wanted to say was F**K off  and leave me alone.

I have many good friends and I do appreciate all their love and care but I guess I just can't hear that rational speech that I have already told myself five million time. 

"O, you will be fine."
 "Yeah, I  know."

Behind a great smile, I can't help but say to myself, "But just not now, not this moment..."

cough cough cough cough cough cough, cough cough cough cough cough cough, cough cough cough cough cough cough.

Basically, this is how I've been last two week.  Cough syrup after cough syrup, so far it's not help much at all.  It's good that I don't need to do much at work, it allows me to take the cough syrup and dose off little.  I've coughed so bad that both side of my rib hunts like hell.  :( no, it's no fun at all.

I found it's strange that I cough so bad, it never really happens before.  Usually my cough last 3 days max and it usually comes with a cold.  But this time is just weird, no running nose, just cough.  I guess you can say that's better but coughing 2 weeks straight is really no fun.

:( this is a REAL bad time for it, but I think I am just got a cold. I am going to try EVERYTHING this time to flight it off ASAP.  Because I don't think I have time for this.  I hope it won't get really bad this weekend, it would totally sucks if I am very sick and I need to do my big move, finish up my garden path and planting and finish up the party planning.  That would totally suck!

Packing and moving things out of 2nd Ave... I should be out of there by end of September.
Winter is almost here and I should start or finish some of my knitting project...
I really should finish paving the garden path and plant before winter really come... Well, I should first sit down and get the drawing done.
Sloper for the new outfit, measurement already done, all I need is to draft it, rework it and draft it more...
VD play party planning... planning... planning....

I AM PLANNING! ...

NO YOU ARE NOT!  You still have not done the area layout and detail time line yet, you know you can do better then that, you procrastinator!

Sometime it's interesting to ear drop on the conversation of my left and right brain.  It's almost like the left brain is working REAL hard to get things done and the right one wants to go snoozes.  In average, people procrastinate one hour a day, and goof off 2 hours a day at work.  But since that my job doesn't require real work, I find myself procrastinating even more. 

Aw... I really should start working on something. ... .... ar... maybe not...

Came across to this website earlier and I found it too cool not to share with you.

Go to WalkScore and type in your address.  It uses Google Maps to score how walkable your neighborhood is based on the proximity to restaurants, stores, schools, etc.  (and freely admits that other factors, like the availability of sidewalks, are not taken into account.)

So how did my house score? 18 out of 100. Well I know that it is bad, but i never thought that we are THAT bad.  I think for vancouver in gerenal, the place that we now live is would be one of the worse walkable area.

O, p.s. even my mom's house, all the way out west around point grey area scores 75.  So yeah, my area... sad... by a bit... or a little more then a bit

This may be my favorite gardening video yet.  Produced by Kitchen Gardeners International, it shows man evolving finally into a gardener - wearing Sloggers if I'm not mistaken - holding a trowel and some harvest.

Driving in this morning and I heard another messy news on Britney Spears.  Apparently she decided to fired business manager and publicist, apply for a waitress job in a Hollywood club, went to the beach, strip down to her underwear and go swimming.

After hearing comments people makes on the radio for her action, the only respond that I have is, for the god sake, leave her alone.  After all, she is just a girl.  If she wants to be a waitress and have a normal life, that’s up to her.  If she wants to run her own business, or not to be in business anymore, that is fine too.  Stripping down to her underwear to swim? I thought underwear look like bathing suite for a reason.

Being dumb is not a crime, doing crazy wild thing is not a crime either.  Everyone did something silly once in a while, pool judgment, bad decision, bad marriage; that’s how people grow up.  After all, she is just a twenty something.